What a fiasco leading up to this one, huh? Exactly one month before release, someone leaked this entire film onto the internet. Supposedly missing ten minutes of footage and some special effects, the leaked version was nevertheless virtually complete, by all accounts. Then, apparently as a last-second clever effort to fill theaters despite the leak, director Gavin Wood announces that different endings will be played throughout the country.¹ So, here we are. X-Men Origins: Wolverine has been (officially) released, and I think this is going to be one of those cases where the leak helped the movie, if anything. You see, this film does not so much tell a story as it does display a constant string of mutant action. I imagine those who downloaded this movie and liked it will really want to see it on a gigantic screen with super loud speakers. Those who want something more than cool fight scenes probably aren't going to go see (or download) a movie called X-Men Origins: Wolverine anyway, and in this case their instincts would serve them well; if you don't like straight-up action flicks, you can safely avoid this movie.

For the fully uninitiated, Wolverine is a wolverine-ish man with mutated DNA, a gruff attitude, super-regenerative abilities, and sharper-than-razor-sharp metal claws that protrude from behind his fingers. He is also one of Marvel Comics' most popular characters, as evidenced by the ludicrous number of comics with his name in the title. As for this story, it is about Wolverine hunting down his similarly mutant brother Victor to get revenge for his murdered wife while dealing with all the twists and turns any plot like this is bound to have.

For a movie with the word origins in the title, this film pays fairly little attention to Wolverine's backstory. Even viewing the entire film as a backstory, the fact that he loses his memory in the end completely neutralizes any such significance as it relates to the character. What this movie is really trying to be is a revenge tale. Yet, it doesn't quite succeed there, either. What sets itself up as a story of a man seeking revenge quickly turns into a long string of fight scenes. Basically, Wolverine hunts down someone who can help him find Victor, then fights him and acquires some information. Then he finds the next guy, fights him, and acquires some more information. The filmmakers' desire simply to set up cool mutant mash-ups is evidenced by the fact that Wolverine is even made to fight several good guys, one because he thinks Wolverine has ulterior motives, another simply because fighting puts him in a good enough mood to give out information. I'm serious.

None of the conflicts evaluate the character's emotions in his quest for revenge, nor do they help to establish his origins and how his past affects who he is now. In fact, the concept of his past's effect on the present is taken care of early on in the film, and it wasn't very interesting anyway. Then, for a short time the movie wades in the theme of Wolverine's inability to escape the past, which is an interesting concept, but it is quickly abandoned for gunshots, explosions, and superhuman feats. Perhaps most strangely of all, though, throughout all of this the film does not even touch on the fact as to why he is a mutant.

That being said, the action scenes are actually pretty cool, even though they do succomb to one or two clichés like walking away unflinchingly from an explosion you just set off in slow-motion. The action does a good job of keeping the film entertaining despite the fact that it is not engaging. I mean, come on, just go back and read my description of Wolverine. If we can't say, "That sure is a complex and intriguing character," at least we can say, "Look what he did with his claws!" (and you would be referring, probably, to him cutting through a military Hummer like butter -- no, like rice paper). A number of other characters have similarly dynamic qualities, like the guy who deflects bullets with swords or the guy who throws kinetically powered playing cards. In fact, by the time I was about two-thirds into the film, I felt like I was watching X-Men Origins: Wolverine the videogame (which, almost immediately upon writing this sentence, I learned is actually a real game). It -- the movie, that is -- even comes complete with a final boss (in what basically amounts to a two-dimensional location, even) who has the combined powers of all the other guys. Maybe this is just a super-high-budget commercial for the game.

Oh, and if you're wondering about this "different secret endings" deal, while it is too early for me to confirm this, it seems that the different endings are not really different endings to the film but different post-credit sequences, not an organic part of the film (which would have been plain stupid to use as a variable) but an unessential little easter egg for fans. [Update 5.6.2009: This is correct; it is the post-credit scenes that differ depending on the print shown. There are a grand total of two different "endings."] Like the movie proper, this is yet another element that X-Men fans will enjoy for its own sake but that does nothing to make us actually care about the people and events on the screen.

So, surprise, this movie is all glitz with perhaps an iota of substance. It is well made and even competently performed, but it is something purely to look at, not to feel. A nice distraction on a Friday night, I guess, but nothing more. And don't waste your time downloading it. You'll either be bored, want to see it in the theater, or feel impelled to go buy the game instead.