Transformers: The Movie
Year:
1986
Directed by:
Nelson Shin
Rated:
PG
Country:
United States
Runtime:
1 hr. 24 min.
Production Company:
Sunbow Productions
Written by:
Ron Friedman
Starring:
Peter Cullen
Robert Stack
Leonard Nimoy
Frank Welker
Similar Films:
Visual rock and roll.
Transformers: The Movie has a lot of '80s rock and roll in it. Its soundtrack boasts names like N.R.G. and Stan Bush. This is perfectly fitting because the movie itself, even disregarding the music, is very much like a hard rock album. It's something created because it's cool, not because it wants to present a well-crafted story. There are days when nothing can beat a viewing of Vertigo followed by a nice Beethoven compilation. Other days, one just wants to rock out to "Instruments of Destruction" while watching metamorphosing robots with names like Optimus Prime shoot lasers at each other. Transformers: The Movie is for rocking, visually and sonically.
It's a standard bad-guys-versus-good-guys story, except the "guys" are robots. The evil Decepticons have taken over the Autobots' planet, Cybertron. The Autobots have retreated to their two moons and are now about to mount an assault to take back the planet. When they send a group of robots to Earth in a preparatory measure, their plan is discovered and the battle begins prematurely. In the meantime, a planet-eating machine called Unicron (voiced by none other than Orson Welles), which is closing in on Cybertron and its two moons, strikes a deal with the head Decepticon, Megatron, to steal the Autobots' "Matrix of Leadership," a device which could destroy Unicron if used by the Autobots. If what I've said sounds like complete nonsense, don't worry. It's all just a vehicle to get robots to fight each other, nothing more, nothing less.
What I love about this movie is its conviction to provide nothing but a good time. There is very little drama in this film (and the drama there is depends fully upon knowing who the important transformers are beforehand), and there is nary a bit of dialogue that is not utilitarian. There is so much time spent showing transformers morphing into things, fighting each other, and talking about kicking butt that it is easy to forget why they're doing the things they're doing. This is not a flaw. Let's face it: when you see a robot called Hot Rod fight off some robot fish underwater, then morph into a car (still underwater), race over to save a transformer comrade from a giant robot squid, get caught himself, and pull out a saw blade to cut off its tentacles, all while "Nothin's Gonna Stand in my Way" is playing, you don't really care about the implications of the situation.
There are also a handful of elements in the film that are oddly funny. These range from the simple naming of some robots, such as Laserbeak, to the big, dumb, brutish "dinobot" called Grimlock speaking innocently stupid lines like, "Me Grimlock not nice dino! Me bash brains!" There is another moment that is out-of-nowhere weird. For some reason there is a Weird Al Yankovic song thrown in the mix, and at one point of near silence we hear the lyrics, "You better squeeze all the Charmin you can / When Mr. Whipple's not around." I probably don't have to tell you that this has nothing to do with what's happening on screen.
Praise aside, there's nothing to elevate this movie beyond mindless action, and it does become a bit tedious before it's over. If watching this movie is comparable to listening to your favorite hard rock album, then imagine listening to your favorite hard rock album for an hour and a half. Around the fifty-minute mark you're bound to start getting antsy. For this reason it is perhaps a relief that there is also very little falling action.
Another way to relieve the boredom that may ensue is simply to put this movie on in the background while you do something else. I got the idea that this would be the perfect movie for such use, since it really does not matter whether you pay attention to what's going on, so I decided to try an experiment: While writing this review, I had the movie playing in a small window in the corner of my monitor. The experiment confirmed my theory; it's nice to be able to break from work every few minutes and glance over at some robot action, which will almost inevitably be occurring whenever you take a look, and the '80s rock doesn't hurt, either. (Warning: Do not attempt if you have ADD. While trying this experiment, the movie played two full times before I finished my first draft.)
Transformers: The Movie is a purely superficial action cartoon. If you like robots, fighting, and some occasional 1980s rock, this is the movie for you. If you're someone who likes to have movies playing while you do other things, this is the movie for you. If you're looking for something with even the slightest amount of depth, better look somewhere else. There is nothing "more than meets the eye" here.
